Confession.

Trigger warning: I'll discuss self harm and suicide in this post.

I still get the itch on my wrists like I need to scratch them until they bleed, the difference is that I don't scratch anymore. I don't pretend that my friends dog scratched me by accident anymore. I don't pretend that I cut my foot on the table at the casino anymore. I don't hide an old pair of scissors in my room anymore. I don't sit on a bridge and toy with the idea of letting myself drop off into busy traffic anymore. I don't think I'm the most disgusting person on the planet anymore. But I did.

Sometimes I feel like it's all falling apart and I just want to go to sleep for a long, long time. I went to the doctor and got the 'oh you're young you shouldn't feel like this' look. Yeah dude, I know. I got pills that made me numb and made me lose all concentration. So I stopped taking them. I wanted to kill myself, called a helpline and no one answered and I left a voice mail begging for someone to call me. No one did. I'm not looking for sympathy or to show that helplines are shit. I'm merely spewing out my personal experiences. I want to do this because I want to say to anyone who might be reading this, that it gets better.

I'm now in university at Anglia Ruskin in Cambridge having passed my first year. I'm living in a house with three awesome people. I have an awesome relationship with someone so chilled and laid back that we get on so well and he knows me better than some people who have known me for years. i haven't felt this good in a long time and even though I am going through some really tough times recently having lost my job and my Grandad in the same week, things are on the up.

So please talk to someone, just say that you're feeling shitty and need a hug without questions being asked. Tell someone you're not feeling well. Please, accept the help and support that you may have around you.

Lots of love,

Lauren x